I wish I'd been willing to acknowledge to myself my own traits of codependency many years ago! For codependent habits are so much more limiting than one might be able to imagine. I've lovingly come to recognize when I've jumped on this, "The Merry-Go-Round" ride of Codependence. To be honest, I really don't like things that go round and round and that is exactly what my thoughts do when I've jumped on this ride of perpetual dizziness and discomfort.
At the core of codependence is this subconscious belief system that, "somehow if I were just good enough I could change or fix another person's outlook, struggles, or problems." Another way of saying this might be, "I'm responsible for another person's happiness or life situation." It's difficult to tackle in that one can easily recognize the thinking error but shifting the feeling deep down inside...the feeling that actually drives our way of being in the world...well that's an entirely different beast! It's one thing to say we don't want to hop on this ride but another thing to keep ourselves from jumping on! More times than not we don't even know we're on the ride until about the 5th trip around, 45 minutes later, when it dawns on us that we've just wasted way too much of our head space ruminating about another person and how we can fix this or that situation so he or she would act differently, treat us differently, make healthier life choices....the list is endless!!
All change starts with awareness!!
Here is your first homework lesson to help you get off the Merry-Go-Round of Codependency: Pay attention and note to yourself whenever you find yourself jumping on the Codependent Ride. Notice who you are ruminating about and what you are telling yourself about the situation. Ask yourself, "how is my sense of worth hooked into the outcome of this situation?" Write it down and process all of your feelings about it.
At the core of codependence is this subconscious belief system that, "somehow if I were just good enough I could change or fix another person's outlook, struggles, or problems." Another way of saying this might be, "I'm responsible for another person's happiness or life situation." It's difficult to tackle in that one can easily recognize the thinking error but shifting the feeling deep down inside...the feeling that actually drives our way of being in the world...well that's an entirely different beast! It's one thing to say we don't want to hop on this ride but another thing to keep ourselves from jumping on! More times than not we don't even know we're on the ride until about the 5th trip around, 45 minutes later, when it dawns on us that we've just wasted way too much of our head space ruminating about another person and how we can fix this or that situation so he or she would act differently, treat us differently, make healthier life choices....the list is endless!!
All change starts with awareness!!
Here is your first homework lesson to help you get off the Merry-Go-Round of Codependency: Pay attention and note to yourself whenever you find yourself jumping on the Codependent Ride. Notice who you are ruminating about and what you are telling yourself about the situation. Ask yourself, "how is my sense of worth hooked into the outcome of this situation?" Write it down and process all of your feelings about it.
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